Namaste

I recently had an experience that was super hard to swallow, but ended up being sweet.

We all have "difficult people" in our lives.  People who aren't malignant, per se, but ones who bring us into that worst versions of ourselves.  I have one such as that.  At my ugliest, I would use words like sanctimonious and self-serving to describe this person.  Gross.  The best I can seem to manage, on my most graceful day, would be to say to myself, I'll be the bigger person here because I understand grace better than you.  Ew.  Who is the sanctimonious one now?

But today my mind strayed to the Bible, specifically Romans 12:  "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." 

But I don't want to do that.

It makes me uncomfortable.

I shouldn't have to be the one to change my attitude, I thought.  My attitude is just fine.  In fact, I am the grace-full one.  Being the "bigger person" and all that.

But here's the thing, the hard part. To get to true grace, I must pronounce a blessing on this person who is so undeserving in my estimation.  I must say namaste when what I really want to say is you aren't worth it.  There is no room for sanctimony here.  Nor is there a place for being "the bigger person."  It is divine healing so far outside of myself that it can only come from God, the Really Real.

So how can I live at peace, both within and without?  By letting this person off the hook, just as I have been let off the hook.  By shutting up and letting the Really Real do his work.

Delicious.